How to Get Insanely Rich on the Internet
Welcome to the Total Idiot's Guide to Internet Success!
Q: How long will it take me to get insanely
A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long
Q: Does it take hard work or long hours
to get insanely rich?
A: No. This is the internet.
Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich?
A: Yes. This is the internet.
Q: How do I proceed?
A: As you're surfing around the net you'll see banners and links
that say things like "Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety
Days, Click Here to See How!" Simply click the link to get
Q: It won't really take ninety days though,
A: Of course not. They just say that so you'll be pleasantly surprised
and so it doesn't sound like hype.
Q: Okay, I've found one that says "Retire
to Your Own Caribbean Isle in One Month!" Is that good?
Q: What does MLM mean?
A: Nobody really knows. Morons Lose Money has been snidely suggested
by the little-brains.
Q: I signed up and now I sell low phone
rates. They say it's the easiest thing to sell because everyone
uses a phone. And since it's MLM, by the time my third level is
operating I'll be making $345,915.45 per week.
Q: They say the first step is to get my
mother into the program. Why is my sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers?
A: Your sponsor is a shrewd business person. People with any sort
of memory disorder make the best targ... uh, clients. You can switch
your mother's long distance carrier for her, and then start calling
the other members of her support group.
Q: That sounds a little fishy.
A: The ends justify the means. You are offering people substantial
savings on long distance. It's for their own good.
Q: How else can I get new business?
A: Spam. Spam. Spam.
Q: I thought spam was bad.
A: No, spam is good. Anyone who says it's bad is just jealous because
their brains are too small.
Q: But won't I lose my web host and ISP?
A: In the get-rich-quick business, it's important to cultivate
a zen-like non-attachment to service providers.
Q: What else can I do to promote my new
A: Here's a list of suggestions:
--Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with
zany colors and flashy banners.
--Join every free banner exchange.
--Get your own free-for-all links page.
--Join every opt-in email list with the word Money, Rich or Lackwit
in the title.
--Buy software that submits your site URL to the 15,000 most important
--Buy software that submits your ad to the 50,000 most-read free
--Buy software that submits your link to the 100,000 most popular
free-for-all link pages.
--Hire a bulk emailer.
--Sponsor a golf tournament.
Q: Okay, I've done all that and I'm still
not rich. I haven't even driven my hitcounter to its knees yet.
What am I doing wrong?
A: It's possible that you're not very bright. Consult one of your
who has retired on their internet earnings.
Q: What if I don't have any friends who
have retired on their internet earnings?
A: Then contact someone on the internet who has retired on their
Q: What if I've never heard of anyone retiring
from their internet earnings?
A: Well, then maybe you can be the first.
Linda Cox (J.A.M.G.) was actually a real-world corporate marketer
for many years before going on the net without a net. Now she's
Just Another Marketing Guru.
MORE LINDA! http://www.LindaCox.com
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